im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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