imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
