Plan B is the new Plan A
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
