I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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