my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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