Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
