I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
