I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
