I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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