Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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