you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
His nipple licking is glorious
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