If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
