Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sext me about skeletons
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
