I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
