I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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