Nicole vs. Life
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
