What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
