i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
