Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
