mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
