i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
