i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
