A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
