there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
