There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize