and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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