they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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