i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
