Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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