Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
