Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He has the fingertips of a God
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