I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
