sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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