Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
