Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
