Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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