thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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