Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My vagina is officially offended.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
