Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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