My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
