Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
