This dress was meant to end up on your floor
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
