Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
