why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
