well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
