Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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