ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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