a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
