Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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