I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
