glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Randomize
