Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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