my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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