OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
