Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
