Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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