This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize