i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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