Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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