It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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