You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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