I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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