I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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