Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
