The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
