Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
whose parrot is this?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize