he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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