I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize