He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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