Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
