Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
