bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
