she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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