i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
